How To Keep The Love You Find

Only because the whole world seems to obsess nearly romance during one day in the middle of Feb, doesn't mean you take to. For happy singles, it's a adept excuse to eat chocolate.

Simply if Valentine's Day has yous thinking nearly finding dearest, the holiday could be a proficient motivation to start.

Our experts offered these 12 tips to heave your chances:

1. The 'You'll find love when you lot're not looking' approach may be wrong.

That's like saying, "You lot'll find a job when you're to the lowest degree looking for it," said Pepper Schwartz, a relationship expert and folklore professor at the University of Washington. Information technology's possible, but rarely happens.

"For the almost part, people who await for a task are unemployed," she added. "For me, it's just an excuse for existence scared to go and put the effort in. Yes, it happens, but no, it'due south not a good strategy."

Schwartz does agree with the underlying sentiment of that proverb: Don't exist desperate. Put the attempt in to find someone, but don't deed like whatever breathing body volition practice.

RELATED: How to detect lifetime love: 10 secrets from couples married for decades

two. Go where people similar the same things y'all like.

You tin can skip singles events if you don't like them, only you have to become where you tin run across people, Schwartz brash. Join social groups or meet-ups; be a worker bee in a cause you believe in; get involved in political parties. At the very to the lowest degree, you're doing something you lot like and at the very best, you'll meet somebody like-minded.

Seize with teeth the bullet and endeavour online dating for a large puddle of potential candidates, Schwartz added. If you're already online, try a unlike dating site.

three. Look up from your phone.

Good men and skilful women are everywhere — if y'all're looking, noted Bela Gandhi, a TODAY contributor and founder of the Smart Dating Academy in Chicago. She'southward amazed people ofttimes complain they don't come across anyone, just then become out and keep their heads downward the entire fourth dimension, staring at their devices.

Wherever yous are, be present and look around the room to come across who is looking at yous. Make three seconds of eye contact with the cute stranger and grinning — that's an invitation for him to come up over and talk to you, she advised.

RELATED: Looking for honey? These are the acme states for 'positive relationships'

4. Don't seek romance, seek partnership.

Romance is for dates, and it's fun to accept on occasion in your marriage, simply information technology's partnership that will get you lot through the rough times, said Tina B. Tessina, a California psychotherapist also known as "Dr. Romance" and author of "How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together."

"Don't look for someone who sweeps yous off your feet. That indicates a control freak, and you lot won't like what happens afterward," she advised. "Look for someone who likes word, who seeks your opinion and considers it, who cares about what you desire, also."

5. Happy people attract people.

Possibly the biggest result in non existence able to find dearest is that you lot're not feeling good virtually yourself. Like yourself and similar your life — really work on that, Schwartz brash. Y'all have to be the person that yous'd want to meet.

"If you're non a happy, positive, self-confident person, you cut your chances of existence in the right space for the right kind of person," she said.

Go to a therapist to encounter why y'all're depressed; become a trainer if you haven't been exercising, and visit a nutritionist to begin eating right. If yous're shy, realize you could be less shy.

"The thought is that yous have to train for everything, and you have to railroad train for love as well," Schwartz said. "You tin can work on yourself. You're non a finished product unless you're dead."

RELATED: Does dating experience like an 'unpaid internship'? Author's advice to notice dearest

6. Have time to be by yourself.

Information technology's important later on a divorce or any suspension-upwards later on a long human relationship to accept some time to be alone, said Nicole Baras Feuer, a divorce coach with Beginning Over Smart in Westport, Connecticut.

"You lot will be in better shape to meet the 'correct' person if yous take time to heal, spend fourth dimension alone to figure out who you lot are once again, reflect on what went wrong," Feuer said. "Then y'all don't repeat the same mistakes over and over once again."

7. Instant sexual attraction oft fades.

Most good honey is a tedious burn — it takes a while to develop, Gandhi said. She believes attraction is important, but you don't have to experience it right away since that instant spark is more about lust and less near the stuff of real relationships.

Emotion can change and deepen over time then give people a fair shot, Feuer added.

eight. Beware of the 'opposites attract' theory.

Opposites attract at beginning, only they'll probable face major friction points down the road.

Similar-minded people actually brand for easier and salubrious long-term relationships, said Dr. Gail Saltz, a New York psychiatrist. The more than y'all run into eye-to-eye on, the less in that location is to contend and compromise nearly.

RELATED: Opposites attract? Why you should date someone more similar you

ix. Become a 'psychotic optimist'.

"That means you believe at any cost that yous're going to find that love; dear is meant for you and it volition come to you so that you merely have to date like hell until you discover it," Gandhi said.

You have to encompass the procedure of dating, so adopting a "psychotic optimist" mindset will arrive more fun once you lot're convinced true dearest is really out there for you. Gandhi recommends dating three to five people at the same time until you find 1 to exist exclusive with. Dating means "casually getting to know," non sleeping with someone. She advises not having sex until you're in a committed, sectional relationship.

ten. Understand your ain needs.

Exercise y'all need a lot of space? Desire lots of affection? Have to know what'south going on all the fourth dimension?

"Whatever your way is, it'due south OK, but you demand to know it and exist able to communicate it to your future spouse. You can railroad train each other if y'all both know what you need," Tessina said.

eleven. Know the difference between fooling around and building a real relationship.

"You tin mess around with anyone if yous're careful and accept safe sex activity," Tessina noted. "Simply before you bring someone into your life, or share money or living infinite, remember they're bringing baggage."

The person you're dating is on their best beliefs in the start, she brash. It gets worse afterwards, not better, so become to know what's subconscious earlier going also far.